Liam Goes Left Like Yoshida Goes Right

It's true. I am a regular reader of Adam Yoshida. Yes, he scares the hell out of me, and I often wonder whether there's some hoaxer cacking themselves over the thought of fooling offended readers across the globe. I don't really care if he is the work of someone out to discredit the right. You just can't make shit like Yoshida's up.

If I could have one political wish it'd be that Adam Yoshida were promoted to leadership of the Liberal Party of Australia, or better yet the US Republicans. The paranoid, utterly amoral viewpoint would send voters scattering. Actually, if I could have two wishes it'd be that he turned up at my polling booth--alone.

I've always wanted to slip the bounds of self-criticism and be left wing like Yoshida swings to the Right. To boldly ignore the good angel at my shoulder who tells me 'LH, do you really think that'? To put the boot into my opponents entirely oblivious to decency, fairness or good taste. I think I can get away with it once before remorse and shame takes hold. Reader, here we go.

John Howard says there isn't a recession coming up. He would say that, wouldn't he. After causing brown-trouser moments across the suburbs by beating up interest rates, stealing the election exactly the same way he did by vilifying the asylum seekers. Everyone knows there's a recession coming up: there's got to be.

When the recession comes the massive level of personal debt is going to kick all of those greedy suburbanite God-botherers in the arse. An expanded limit on the mastercard isn't going to help them when the bank's foreclosing and the kids' private school's threatening to kick out Cheyenne and Kylie. I'm looking forward to this recession coming up. People are going to send their kids to public schools again. They're going to stop contributing to private health care and the Government's going to have to fund Medicare properly.

Most of all, aspirational voters are going to come back to the good old ALP. The one party that Australians always choose after the Tories have fucked the economy good and properly. All of the mums and dads are going to come back to Labor and say

"Why, comrades? Why did you let us delude ourselves into thinking plasma screen TVs and big, unwieldy four-wheel-drives would make us happy? Why didn't we trust the local comprehensive with the education of our untalented offspring? Why did we become soullessly individualist? Why did you let us borrow so much money? Give us back cradle-to-the-grave welfare and decent, protective state socialism!"

And do you know what? That's when Labor's going to consolidate it's hold on power, and squeeze every taxable cent out of the entrepreneurial class to pay for social services. Watch out, aspirational voters: you're fucked.